I Graduated! What's Next?

I graduated!

I earned a Master of Communication in Communities and Networks last week, on June 10th.

Technically, I completed everything back in March, March 21st, to be exact. But in terms of celebration and ceremony, the real moment happened in June. I wore the same dress I wore for my undergraduate celebration to my department’s graduation ceremony—which I’m super proud of! Not only because it’s made of tenun from Flores Island, but because I STILL FIT IN IT—WOHOOOOOOOOOO!

For the big graduation with over 7,000 students, yes, that’s what the university said, I wore a kebaya from my best friend, Nafira.

To be honest, I felt more anxious, afraid, and sad than happy. I think, in general, I really love being in a school setting. There’s a kind of privilege that comes with being a student—a thousand little ones, actually—and I don’t want to lose that. But it's not only about the privilege. Deep down, I just don’t feel ready to move on, even though this isn’t my first degree. DUH, GIRL, you’ve been working for around 7 years!

After some deep reflection, I realized the real reason for my anxiety: even after finishing my master’s, I feel like I’ve fallen into an insecure canyon. A place of doubt, shame, and embarrassment for all the things I still don’t know. It’s sickening sometimes. I’ve come to realize that learning is a never-ending curve. 

And over the past months, I’ve had so many learning moments that slapped me in the face:
“Wow, I didn’t know this?”
“I’ve never heard of this term.”
“What the heck is that?”

But the biggest slap came right after I realized I had completed my master’s degree. It hit me—hard. I started to reflect. A lot.
So, you’re a *M4sTeR* now? What’s next?
You’re an expert, huh?
You can communicate really well now?
You’re a certified communicator?

It got worse when I remembered that I’m still unemployed. That makes me feel… useless. These days, my routines are just job searching, interview mock-ups, and sometimes reading the news to stay updated (but even that leaves me feeling useless LOL). After a month or two, I realized: I can’t depend on others to define what’s next.

So I started asking: Why do I tie my sense of usefulness to having a formal job? Why can’t I define what it means to be useful for myself? That’s when I began to focus more on my forever love: volunteer work and finally start building a personal initiative I’ve dreamed of for years. Because I’ve realized something big: earning a master’s degree doesn’t mean I’m "the master." It doesn’t mean I’m now capable of everything or that I can stop learning.

Yes, I’m still standing in that insecure canyon most of the time. And yes, even though I may pursue other degrees one day, that canyon may still be there. But at the same time, I’ve also reached a place I call the grown-up mountain—a phase where I’ve come to understand that knowing how little I know doesn’t diminish me. Instead, it humbles me. And despite everything, I do know some things and I won’t stop developing myself.

So yeah, I graduated.
What a roller coaster journey!

I took on challenging courses, met inspiring professors and colleagues, worked on real-world cases, and questioned so many things. I remember wanting to pursue my master’s since 2018 with a scholarship from the Indonesian government, that was my only way. But I got rejected. I applied for other scholarships and got rejected again. I cried, A LOT. Alone. But I also kept trying, HARD.

And finally, in September 2023, I started the program. Fast forward to March 2025, and I finished it. 
I graduated.

And yet, the “What’s next?” question will probably follow me for a long time, even now, as I climb my grown-up mountain. So… what’s next?

Honestly? I don’t have the perfect answer. Not for you, and not even for myself. Life is full of surprises.

But one thing I do know:
I want to define success on my own terms.
I want to create my own opportunities.
I want to keep believing that there’s no such thing as a small impact, no such thing as wasted time, no such thing as being useless.

I am worthy—for who I am, not for the degrees I hold.
I was worthy before graduation, and I’m still worthy after.
And I am worthy because I am me, and I get to define my own “what’s next.”